October Beast

ANXIETY:

I’ve noticed with many and myself included the month of October is, was, and can be challenging. You know how we ask “Why is this happening again, and around the same time each year?”

It’s like one time a year we have a rough month. We feel heavy, low, and our minds are full of unhealthy thoughts. I’ve come to realize this was how my anxiety began. This was the first time I the year I had these emotions. I was working a job and it was a good job, one that I planned to use to reset my family financial stability and also use to finance my business. I was on my 90day probation and it was Hell! The person to train me was unkind, behaved as tho helping me was beneath her. So as one can imagine, I unknowingly started to have thoughts of “Am I going to loose this job? No, I can’t loose this job! I have worked hard to get here. I’m making a huge sacrifice to be here.” All these thoughts and more were racing in my mind in a way I’ve never experienced ever in life! I remember being brought in the room and told I wasn’t performing up to their standards and I wasn’t taking enough initiative to learn the program.

I began to then make a choice study more or seek help from another person and do this fast. This also brought on another level of anxiety.  My choice was not just affecting me but my children. I would wake at 3/4 am to walk at the time to the metro take an hourlong ride to get to work by 6/7 am to make the time to practice and study notes taken while in the lack of training. This meant my children would have to work together and get to school on their own. My son the oldest walked to school or rode the bus. My daughter the youngest would be taken to school by my mother on the bus in the cold most of the times. This season brought many lessons, stress, and tests on all levels of my person. To be clear I didn’t even know I was suffering from the Anxiety...it was heavy.

UNDERSTANDING:

I remember talking to get some clarity on what was going on. It was a whole new year, new place, new people and these cycles were happening again. I began to dig deep inside of myself and ask “What is going on with you!?” “What perception of yourself are you showing physically but your mind is telling you otherwise?”  I wasn’t sure. I know I felt lost, weak, stressed, unaccomplished, like a burden, and a disappointment.

I wanted to understand why I was in the season again. I dig deep to the point I had to shut down all optional connections to discover where I was lost at. To be clear, I strongly believe that every action is a choice and every reaction causes an effect on those connected to us. My choices in those seasons were ones I made without Gods’ permission.  Yes, he gave the way and grace to go..but the choices I made were not ones he had planned for my life of purpose. Let me break it down: we have the gift of choice. God gave us that gift (thank you Lord, I’m just saying!) What we all have and at times fail to do is seek guidance on how to use our choices!! Be real, we at times, most of the time do what we choose to do! So, because God is very aware we his children do this, gives grace and mercy to cover our poor choices...now that is LOVE! It’s like he says “I know they will do what they want, so let me just cover them here.” Thus when we do what we choose we sometimes have a moment of happiness but it won’t last because it wasn’t for us from the beginning!

Once I took head to this understanding fully (it was very challenging), I sat down, closed off all the noise, Begged for forgiveness and apologized to God for abusing my gift of choice. I also understood it wasn’t God causing me to fail, feel anxious or keep putting myself back....it was ME and my choices. Ahhh. See once you see the issue, face the issue, deal with it, you can overcome it and not repeat it again!

Where in your choices did you misunderstand How to use your gift of choice?

Are you ready to understand how they are to be used now?

RELEASE:

When in life did you fail to release the thing, thought, plan, or want knowing it wasn’t for you? How much damage was caused? How long did you delay your path? I ask to help reveal that until we choose to release all that is not for us..period, we will not experience the fullness of happiness and joy in our lives. A release can also give opportunity to what’s better for you for the long term.

Keep this picture in your mind when being challenged to release: you only have two hands. If both hands are full of past pains, overthinking, failures, unhealthy thoughts and more; what will you have room to receive? Remember the thing you fail to release it what’s keeping you from the next level up! Release Now!

Where in your life do you need to exercise release?

Remind yourself the more you release, the more room you make for better.

I love you,

LeslieMMichelle